the chink in me

1. Love God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength in the presence of other people. It is contagious.
   
2. Love other people from the power of God's grace. That is, show them the beauty of Christ through his love for them in the way you love them.
   
3. Tell stories about those who were ravished by the beauty and glory of God. It seems that true narratives of peoples' experience with the worth of God are very awakening.
   
4. Describe God's value—his treasure—in lavish terms.
   
5. Teach the people how to pray for the transformation of their own hearts, that is, teach them how to pray with the psalmists, "Incline my heart to Thy testimonies and not to getting gain."
   
6. Model for the people extended meditation and reflection on the word of God. Most people do not know how to take a word or phrase or sentence of scripture, commit it to memory and roll it over again and again in their mind and look at it from different sides and ask many questions about it and apply it to different aspects of their life and think of analogies of it in their mind. But it's precisely in this cogitating that the juices in the fruit begin to flow down and awaken the taste buds of the soul.
   
7. Show the people how to find specific, particular promises in the Bible to savor. When Paul says in Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing . . .", he is pointing out that joy and peace rise up as we trust in God's precious and very great promises. So people need to do more specific searching for promises and then hold them in their minds and dwell on them as they go through the day.
   
8. Pray for your people that their hearts would be softened and made tender and more susceptible to the beauty of Christ.
   
9. Help your people to turn off the television. Few things in our culture are more spiritually numbing than the television. Even the so-called "good" shows are by and large banal and low-minded and anything but cultivating of a rich, deep capacity to enjoy God. And when you add to that the barrage of suggestive advertisements that accompany virtually every program, I do not wonder why so many of our professing Christians are spiritually incapable of experiencing high thoughts and deep emotions.
   
10. Point the people to God-centered biography. The struggles and the triumphs of Christians who have known the glory and greatness of God are very engaging and awakening.
    
11. Show the people how to transpose their joys in natural things into joy in God. Here's what I mean. Even the most joyless person seems to have one or two things in their lives that make them happy. It might be their family. It might be the night sky in the north woods. It might be fishing. Help them to make a transposition, that is, to take the line of music called "joy" in their soul and transpose it up from the natural to the supernatural by an act of faith in God as the one who created the family or the night sky or the fishing. Help them see that all the things that are truly delightful in this world, which awaken pleasures in their hearts, are gifts of God and are reflections of his character and his goodness. If they are capable of delighting in natural things, then by the grace of the Holy Spirit they may be capable of transposing those very joys into a higher key and thus discovering joy in God.
    
12. Call the people for confession and renunciation of plaguing sins that make them feel inauthentic and block true affection for God.
    
13. Teach them about the necessity and value of suffering in the Christian life and how it is not worth comparing to the glory to be revealed.

Those are some of the things that might help your people.

What I find is that the most helpful things are simply to attend to your own soul and what it is that kindles delight for God in you and then share that with others.

Blessings on you as you perform the high task of mid-wifery in bringing joy in God to birth in your congregation.

As promised, the Vengeance Scale. A few quick primers ...
 

If it seems as if there are too many wrestling examples, that's only because most wrestling story arcs hinge on somebody seeking vengeance. In fact, once we entered the mid-'90s, that was EVERY wrestling story arc. So I concentrated on the classics from the '70s and '80s that set the tone. And if you have something against wrestling ... well, I don't care.

 

MJ's got his imprint all over the Vengeance Scale.

 

I'm sure we missed a couple. So be it.

Onto the Vengeance Scale, from 0.0 (least vengeful) to 10.0 (most vengeful). And remember, the whole reason we're doing this is to figure out where Angry Shaq fits in. Anyway ...

0.0 -- Rocky Balboa beating up Tommy Gunn.

(Note: This was disqualified because "Rocky 5" never happened.)

0.1 -- O.J. Simpson's valiant attempt to find the "real killers."

0.2 -- The rest of the Rockets after Rudy Tomjanovich was clocked by Kermit Washington ... the rest of the Yankees after Pedro threw down Don Zimmer ... the rest of the Dodgers after Juan Marichal swung his bat against John Roseboro's head ... Rangers fans after the Bruins charged into the stands at MSG in 1979.

0.3 -- The immortal Frankie Williams after Roddy Piper cleaned his clock on "Piper's Pit."

0.4 -- KG's reaction to Anthony Peeler's elbow to the stomach in the 2004 Playoffs ... Kurt Rambis' reaction to getting clothes-lined by Kevin McHale in the '84 playoffs.

0.5 -- Marvin Hagler disappearing to Italy after losing the Leonard fight ... the '91 Pistons storming off the court before the end of the Bulls series.

0.6 -- Vin Baker after getting waived by the Celtics ... Shawn Kemp after getting traded from Seattle ... Drew Bledsoe after leaving the Patriots ... Emmitt Smith after getting dumped by the Cowboys ... Dominique Wilkins after getting traded by the Hawks.

0.7 -- Marty Jannetty after being thrown through a plate-glass window by Shawn Michaels ... Robin Ventura charging the mound against Nolan Ryan.

0.8 -- Mike Piazza's reaction after Clemens threw the bat at him in the 2000 World Series.

0.9 -- Shawn Estes' attempted plunking of Clemens the following summer.

1.0 -- The Orphans' response after the Warriors walked through their turf without taking their jackets off. (Bonus points for the Orphan leader with the fish eye.)

1.1 -- Zack and Slater pouring punch on each other (from "Saved By the Bell") ... the Sammy Hagar-David Lee Roth feud.

1.2 -- Al Nipper drilling Darryl Strawberry during an '87 spring-training game. (Note: Maybe the all-time classic example of winning a battle after you lose the war.)

1.3 -- Donna Martin after finding out that Ray Pruit slept with Valerie ... Brenda's reponse after Kelly stole Dylan away from her (both from "90210").

1.4 -- Cameran breaking Charlie's guitar (from "Real World: San Diego") ... Lisa turning Chet into Jabba the Hut (from "Weird Science") ... Moses Malone vowing revenge on the Sixers after they traded him in '86 ... Paul Westphal in the '76 Finals ... Puck sticking his fingers into Pedro's peanut butter.

 

Who'll ever forget Mike Tyson playing Pac-Man with Evander Holyfield?

1.5 -- Tyson resorting to biting Holyfield's ear in their famous rematch.

1.6 -- Buffalo Bill's reaction when he realizes that the Senator's daughter lured Precious into the well: "Don't you hurt my dog, lady! You don't know what pain is!"

1.7 -- The newspaper kid on the bicycle screaming "I want my two dollars!" (from "Better Off Dead") ... Goldie Hawn coaching the kids to football glory in "Wildcats."

1.8 -- George Costanza feeding lobster in an omelete to Jerry's non-lobster-eating girlfriend ... Scottie Pippen's dunk on Ewing's head in the '94 playoffs (the one where he stood over him and glared).

1.9 -- Thelma and Louise.

2.0 -- Big Tom faking out Boston Rob on a handshake, then telling him, "Don't be stupid, stupid."

2.1 -- Malakai slamming Patrick Dempsey against the video machine and screaming, "You s--- on my house! You s--- on my house!" (from "Can't Buy Me Love").

2.2 -- Lennox Lewis knocking out Hasim Rahman (in their rematch) ... Antonio Tarver knocking out Roy Jones Jr. ... Roy Jones Jr. knocking out Montell Griffith ... Latrell Sprewell dropping 31 on the Knicks at MSG, then trash-talking the owners.

2.3 -- Music fans refusing to buy any of Yoko Ono's albums or songs ... Sato's nephew vowing revenge in "Karate Kid 2." (Penalty points because he got his butt handed to him by Daniel-San.)

2.4 -- David Letterman jumping to CBS after getting passed for the "Tonight Show" job ... Sarah's emergence as the "Queen of the Gauntlet" (from the "Real World/Road Rules Challenge").

2.5 -- Roger Clemens's first appearance at Fenway with the Jays (16 K's, staring down the owner's box on his way off the field -- of course, this was the regular season).

2.6 -- Paul Pierce vowing revenge after dropping to 10th in the 1998 Draft. (This would have been four points higher two years ago.)

2.7 -- Pedro Martinez in Game 5 of the '99 ALDS (coming out of the bullpen after the Indians fans had been taunting him, then throwing no-hit ball for six innings).

2.8 -- Brad Pitt killing Kevin Spacey after being handed a box with his girlfriend's head in it (from "Seven" -- penalty points because he deliberated a little too long).

2.9 -- Andre the Giant after Big John Studd and Ken Patera cut his hair ... Andre the Giant after Killer Khan broke his leg.

3.0 -- Stephen running outside and slapping Irene after she called him gay (from "Real World: Seattle" -- bonus points for throwing her stuffed animal into the river).

3.1 -- Nicole Kidman winning an Oscar after splitting up with Tom Cruise ... Aileen Wournos going on a killing spree against men (penalty points because this resulted in a movie that actually led to me not being attracted to Charlize Theron).

3.2 -- Ty Webb deciding to play against Judge Smails in the big "Caddyshack" skins match ("My father never liked you").

3.3 -- Jon Gruden against the Raiders (in the Tampa-Oakland Super Bowl) ... John Elway against Dan Reeves (in the Broncos-Falcons Super Bowl) ... Mike Shanahan every time he plays the Raiders ... Randy Moss every time he goes against the Cowboys ... Nick Van Exel every time he's playing the Lakers ... Carlton Fisk every time he played the Red Sox.

3.4 -- Danny Ocean ripping off three casinos because his wife started dating someone else (from "Ocean's 11").

3.5 -- Larry Bird firing Isiah Thomas as Pacers coach ... Larry Bird toppling Chuck Person and the '91 Pacers in Game 5 ... Wesley Snipes in "Passenger 57" (the "always bet on black" scene).

3.6 -- MJ destroying LaBradford Smith's career (possibly apocryphal).

3.7 -- Babe Ruth vowing revenge against the Red Sox (possibly apocryphal).

 

No wonder The Rocket got shelled in Houston ...

3.8 -- Piazza tipping off all of Clemens' pitches in the 2004 All-Star game (possibly apocryphal).

3.9 -- Babe Ruth's ghost sending Pedro to the DL in 2001, just days after Pedro's "Wake up the damn Bambino and have him face me -- maybe I'll drill him in the ass" comment (possibly apocryphal).

4.0 -- Daniel LaRusso somehow toppling all of Cobra Kai in one karate tournament (possibly apocryphal).

4.1 -- Sugar Ray Leonard beating Roberto Duran after the "No Mas" fight ... Larry Bird beating Magic and the Lakers in the '84 Finals ... Patrick Roy demanding a trade from Montreal and winning a Cup in Colorado the following year.

(Note: For the best sports feuds of all time, check out Ralph Wiley's column from two years ago. Similar concept, different examples. I think he would have enjoyed the Vengeance Scale, by the way.)

4.2 -- Robert DeNiro eschewing his post-bank-robbery getaway to go after Wayne Groh (penalty points because he ended up getting caught and killed) ... Tommy Marcano and John Reilly running into Kevin Bacon's character near the end of "Sleepers."

4.3 -- Guido the Killer Pimp taking all of Joel Goodson's profits ... Lance Armstrong vs. the French ... Marvin Hagler against the world (during the Hearns fight) ... Dallas's "We're doin' it for Johnny!" speech (from "The Outsiders").

4.4 -- MJ and Pippen against Toni Kukoc in the '92 Olympics (bonus points because they were taking out their frustrations with the Bulls' front office on the entire country of Croatia).

4.5 -- Larry Bird against the Bucks in the '86 playoffs (four 3s in the fourth quarter of Game 4 to complete the payback sweep) ... the last 15 minutes of "The Last of the Mohicans" (penalty points because I'm almost positive this was a chick flick).

4.6 -- John Kreese and Terry Silva against Daniel-San in "Karate Kid 3" (extra points here because of the premise -- a billionaire businessman taking time out of his busy schedule to destroy an aging local teenage karate champion.)

4.7 -- Alanis Morissette getting back at an ex-boyfriend with the vicious song "You Oughta Know," which turned out to be the biggest hit of her career.

(Note: This should have ranked in the 8s, but there were major penalty points here when it turned out that the song was almost definitely written about former "Full House" star Dave Coulier. 'Nuff said.)

4.8 -- Inigo Montoya vanquishing Count Rugen in "The Princess Bride" -- "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." (Penalty points because this was a kid's movie.)

4.9 -- Kerry Von Erich getting his head slammed in a cage door by the Freebirds (launching the classic Freebirds-Von Erichs feud) ... Hulk Hogan vowing revenge on (fill in the blank: Macho Man Savage, Paul Orndorff, Brutus the Barber, Andre the Giant).

 

Dylan shattered eardrums with his wailing when he found Toni's body in the street.

5.0 -- The blood-feud between Dylan McKay and Anthony Marchette that resulted in Dylan's smoking-hot wife getting killed (from "90210") ... Crazy Joe Davola vs. Kramer and Seinfeld.

5.1 -- Rob Lowe beating up Raki at the end of "Youngblood."

(Note: Penalty points here because this outcome never could have happened in real life. I mean, this NEVER could have happened in real life. For God's sake, Rob Lowe couldn't even skate. Couldn't the movie have ended with Raki knocking him out with one punch, followed by Lowe's head hitting the ice and rendering him a vegetable? Would anyone have been against this?)

5.2 -- Isiah dropping 44 on John Stockton after "Dream Team 1" was announced.

5.3 -- Karl Malone dropping a 50-stitch elbow on Isiah's head the next time they played.

5.4 -- Tommy Vercetti being betrayed by Lance Vance in "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" ... Roddy Piper after Adrian Adonis and Don Muraco jumped him on "Piper's Pit."

5.5 -- Bill Russell and the '69 Celtics against the Lakers (after finding out about their planned post-game celebration following Game 7 of the Finals) ... Delta House vs. Dean Wormer and Omega House ... the Revenge of the Nerds.

5.6 -- Shannon Tweed sleeping with Andrew Stevens' entire family and killing his maid in "Scorned" ... Roger Dorn's wife sleeping with Ricky Vaughn in "Major League" ... Rebecca DeMornay wreaking havoc as the nanny in "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle" ... Glenn Close's "I will not be IGNORED" speech in "Fatal Attraction."

5.7 -- Vince McMahon against Ted Turner and WCW ... Sonny Corleone beating up Connie's scumbag husband Carlo in the streets of New York (penalty points for the punch that missed by two feet).

5.8 -- Norman Dale re-deflowering Myra Fleener.

5.9 -- Dr. Kimberly Shaw returning from her car accident with a red wig and a giant alien scar on her head, seeking revenge on the entire "Melrose Place" cast.

6.0 -- MJ against Drexler in the '92 Finals ... MJ against Barkley and Majerle in the '93 Finals ... MJ refusing to play on the original Dream Team unless they left off Isiah.

6.1 -- Van Damme going after Chong Li in "Bloodsport" (penalty points because there's no way he would have won this fight in real life, especially after being blinded).

6.2 -- Tony Montana shooting Manny ... Roger Clemens' career from 1997-2004.

(Note: I'm not sure which one of these events, in retrospect, was more traumatic for me. Let's just move on.)

 

Don't mess with Chuck.

6.3 -- Shaq dropping 61 on the Clippers (because they made him pay for extra seats on his birthday) ... MJ dropping 69 on the Cavs (after the Cleveland fans cheered when he took a nasty spill in the first half) ... Charles Barkley dropping 56 on the '94 Warriors (inspired by C-Webb's behind-the-back dunk over him in the regular season).

6.4 -- Wyatt Earp at the end of "Tombstone" ... Todd Bertuzzi's attack on Steve Moore.

6.5 -- Steve Largent's revenge on Mike Harden.

(Reader C. Weaver explains: "In 1988, Harden knocked out two of Largent's teeth with an illegal hit and put him on the IR for a bunch of games. The next time Seattle played Denver, Harden picked off a pass intended for Brian Blades and looked like he was going to score, but Largent scorched his way across the field and just destroyed Harden with a devastating and perfect-form tackle. Largent hit him so hard that the ball came loose and Largent recovered it. The hit was so nasty that it was a part of NFL telecast montages for years afterwards. Later, Largent called it the favorite play of his career. And this guy is in the Hall of Fame. Whenever sports vengeance is mentioned, that hit stands out for me. Totally legal and totally bloodless.")

6.6 -- The entire Fenway crowd during Game 3 of the '99 ALCS (Clemens vs. Pedro) ... the entire Garden crowd calling for Laimbeer's head during Game 5 of the '87 playoffs (and getting it when Parish clocked him).

6.7 -- Michael Corleone coming out of the bathroom at Louis's Restaurant and shooting Solazzo and McCloskey ... Jimmy Snuka's next two months after Roddy Piper rammed the coconuts in his head on "Piper's Pit."

6.8 -- Eric Clapton's entire "August" album ... Conan the Barbarian (once he gets mad in the movie) ... Patrick Swayze cleaning house after Sam Elliott's character is killed in "Road House" ... the Kenneth Starr investigation of President Clinton and Whitewater.

6.9 -- Mel Gibson in every "Lethal Weapon" movie ... George Brett charging the umpire during the Pine Tar Game ... Forrest Whitaker's first football game after his car was trashed (from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High").

7.0 -- Every time Larry Bird played against Kent Benson.

(Note: Back in 1976, the Fledgling Basketball Jesus enrolled at Indiana University and left after a few unhappy weeks, eventually settling down at Indiana State two years later. During his brief I.U. stage, Bird felt that some of the veteran players on the team, including Benson, hadn't been very nice to him. So when he made the NBA, he went out of his way to embarrass Benson -- a mediocre big man for the Pistons -- at every opportunity. This culminated in Kevin McHale's 56-point game in 1985, when Bird kept feeding McHale on the low post because Benson couldn't handle him. The lesson, as always: Don't mess with Larry Bird.)

7.1 -- Snoop and Dre taking shots at Easy E in "Wit' Dre Day" ... Biggie recording "Who Shot Ya?" ... 50 Cent creating the word "Wankster" in a song about Ja Rule.

7.2 -- Darren McCarty beating up Claude Lemeiux (after Lemeiux broke Kris Draper's jaw the previous season) ... Ricky Steamboat learning to speak again after Randy Savage crushed his larynx with the ring bell, then ultimately seeking revenge (bonus points for the comedy of every taped piece where Steamboat pretended he couldn't speak, so he had to make crazy gestures to indicate how angry he was).

7.3 -- MJ's reaction after Karl Malone won the '97 MVP Award ... Hakeem's reaction after David Robinson won the '95 MVP Award ... Sammy Sosa sending approximately 450 hitmen to Tony Montana's Miami compound to have him killed at the end of "Scarface."

7.4 -- Pedro getting charged by leadoff hitter Gerald Williams in Tampa Bay, then promptly throwing 98 mph the rest of the way and retiring the next 24 batters in a row before John Flaherty broke up the pseudo-perfect game.

7.5 -- Cam Neely beating the holy bejeezus out of Ulf Samuelsson.

(Reader Richard Harb explains: "Ulf blew out Cam's knee, leading to the thigh muscle calcification and hip injury that eventually ended his career. I was at the Garden when they first played against each other after that, when Neely went after him after Ulf took a cheapshot after the whistle on one of the B's players after Barrasso had frozen the puck. It was the loudest I had ever heard the Garden, louder than C's championship games, B's Stanley Cup games, anything. I've never seen a man more angry than Neely. My best friend Ted had season tix at the Garden, first balcony, front row, on the blue line above where the scrum was, and Neely was on a mission. Just raw emotion. You couldn't blame him.")

7.6 -- Bruno Sammartino after his WWF apprentice Larry Zbysko busted his head open with a chair, culminating in their famous steel cage match at Shea Stadium ... Bill Simmons's eventual response to ESPN25's "Best 25 Sports Movies List."

7.7 -- Jack Cates shooting Ganz 147 times at the end of "48 Hours" ... Bret Hart decking Vince McMahon after the famous "Montreal Screw-Job" ... Joe Pesci taking out Billy Bats in the "Now go get your shinebox" scene (from "Goodfellas").

7.8 -- Max Cady in "Cape Fear" ... Cartman's revenge on Scott Tenorman (from "South Park") ... Montresor trapping Fortunado in the wall in "The Cask of Amontillado."

7.9 -- Michael Myers against the babysitters in Haddonfield, Illinois ... Jason Voorhees and Mrs. Voorhees against the counselors at Crystal Lake ... Freddie Krueger against everyone on Elm Street.

 

Well done, Justin. Well done.

8.0 -- Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" video.

(Note: The most underrated example of vengeance on this list. After Britney cheated on him, not only did he dump her, he put out a best-selling album fueled by a song about their breakup in which he basically destroys her with the lyrics. Just an unbelievable piece of work. It's devastating. I can't even imagine what she did when she first heard it. And if that wasn't enough, he made a well-received video about the song, starring a Britney look-alike. And if THAT wasn't enough, he immediately started going out with Cameron Diaz. By the time he was done, Britney's career was in the tank -- she was chain-smoking and hanging out with backup dancers and white trash guys from her hometown. Now that, my friends, is vengeance. Bravo, Justin. Bravo.)

8.1 -- Steven Seagal during the "I'm gonna take you to the bank, Trent ... the blood bank" scene (from "Hard to Kill") ... John Rambo against sheriff Brian Dennehy and his deputies from "First Blood" ... Tubbs and Crockett taking down Calderon in "Miami Vice" (in the classic two-part episode, "Calderon's Revenge").

8.2 -- Andy Dufresne escaping from Shawshank through a sewage pipe, setting up the Warden and Hadley on his way out, then escaping to Mexico.

(Reader Red explains: "Andy crawled to freedom through 500 yards of s--- -smelling foulness I can't even imagine. Or maybe I just don't want to. 500 yards. That's the length of five football fields. Just shy of half a mile . . . when I think of him heading south in his own car with the top down, it always makes me laugh. Andy Dufresne, who crawled through a river of s--- and came out clean on the other side. Andy Dufresne, headed for the Pacific.")

8.3 -- The great Gabe Kaplan thrashing Robert Conrad in a 100-yard dash (after being challenged by Conrad in the original "Battle of the Network Stars"). And yes, this deserves its own column.

8.4 -- MJ's performance during the entire '96 season, a direct response to everything that happened with Nick Anderson and the Magic in the '95 playoffs.

8.5 -- The outlaw Josey Wales slaughtering half the Union Army ... John Matrix's paralleled killing spree from "Commando" (penalty points because he's now running the state of California).

8.6 -- Mick O'Brien and Paco Moreno landing in the same juvie prison in "Bad Boys" ... Ali and Frazier fighting for the championship of each other in Manila.

8.7 -- Shaquille O'Neal after finding out that the Lakers were trading him for Odom, Grant and Butler (work in progress).

8.8 -- Charles Bronson in every "Death Wish" movie.

(Seattle reader Monty has more: "In the first one, his wife gets murdered and his daughter gets raped, so he kills a bunch of lowlifes. In the sequel, his daughter gets raped (again) and commits suicide, so he kills a bunch of lowlifes. In the third one, his friend gets killed, so he kills a bunch of lowlifes, but this time it's in Los Angeles, not New York. In the fourth one, his friend's daughter overdoses, which is, again, bad news for lowlifes. And in the final one, his girlfriend gets killed, with predictable results. Well, by this time he's killing people with soccer balls, not bullets, but it's still vengeance.")

8.9 -- Jesse Owens winning four gold medals in Berlin (in front of Adolf Hitler) ... Jackie Robinson's career from 1947-1956.

9.0 -- Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes burning down Andre Rison's house ... the Lorena Bobbit Era.

9.1 -- Tupac Shakur recording "Hit 'Em Up."

(Note: In my book, the most devastating rap song of all-time. And you wonder why Pac was murdered. This made "Who Shot Ya?" look like it was written by James Ingram and Michael McDonald. Every line is crossed: This one has death threats, admissions of sleeping with other people's wives, jokes about sickle cell, mama jokes and at least 100 F-bombs. I'm not kidding. And while we're on the subject, "We ain't singin', we bringin' drama - f--- you and your motherf----- mama!" remains the greatest single moment in 2Pac history. And yes, I know I'm white.)

9.2 -- Michael Corleone settling all family business at the end of "Godfather 1" ... Vito Corleone returning to Sicily to avenge the murders of his mother, father and brother by ripping a knife through Don Ciccio.

9.3 -- Muhammad Ali vs. Ernie Terrell and Floyd Patterson.

(Note: These were the two "What's my name?" fights, when Ali displayed a dark side because they kept calling him Cassius in the weeks leading up to the fight. Big mistake. BIG mistake. The Patterson fight is legitimately depressing to watch -- Ali carries him for about eight rounds longer than he needed, just so he can keep torturing him. Hard to believe this was the same guy who was wobbling around and throwing those painful jabs against Jeter last week.)

9.4 -- Uma Thurman's revenge in "Kill Bill" I and II ... William Wallace in "Braveheart" ... Maximus in "Gladiator" ... Will Munny in "Unforgiven."

9.5 -- Rocky Balboa holding a dying Apollo in his arms as Ivan Drago sneers, "If he dies, he dies."

(Note: This led to Rocky fighting on Christmas Day in Russia for no money; nearly losing his unfeeling wife; climbing a 55,000-foot mountain in snow boots; singlehandedly ending the Cold War; and possibly ending up with brain damage, although we will never know for sure since "Rocky 5" never happened.)

 

Rambo scores extremely high on the Vengeance Scale.

9.6 -- Marcellus Wallace after being raped by two hillbillies and deciding that he needs to get "medieval on their ass" (from "Pulp Fiction") ... Rambo during the "Murdock ... I'm coming to get YOU!" scene (from "First Blood 2").

9.7 -- Edmund Dantes seething in a French prison after being framed for treason in "The Count of Monte Cristo."

(From reader Adam Bloch: "Let me sum that 1,276-page book up: man wrongfully imprisoned for 30 years in hell-hole; has his wife, life, and sanity stolen from him; escapes; gets ridiculously rich; devotes all energy, time, and money to destroying the lives of those who wronged him. I think that qualifies pretty high on the vengeance scale.")

9.8 -- Michael Corleone ordering the death of his brother, Fredo.

(Let's have a moment of silence ... I still haven't gotten over this.)

9.9 -- Sissy Spacek destroying her high school class in a supernatural telekinetic fit of rage (from "Carrie").

10.0 -- Keyser Soze in "The Usual Suspects."

(I'll let reader Verbal Kint explain: "He lets the last Hungarian go, and he goes running. He waits until his wife and kids are in the ground and he goes after the rest of the mob. He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in, he kills people that owe them money. And like that he was gone.")

Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine. His Sports Guy's World site is updated every day Monday through Friday.

 

The pleasures of cooking are sometimes obscured by summer haze and heat, which can cause many of us to turn instead to bad restaurants and worse takeout. But the cook with a little bit of experience has a wealth of quick and easy alternatives at hand. The trouble is that when it’s too hot, even the most resourceful cook has a hard time remembering all the options. So here are 101 substantial main courses, all of which get you in and out of the kitchen in 10 minutes or less. (I’m not counting the time it takes to bring water to a boil, but you can stay out of the kitchen for that.) These suggestions are not formal recipes; rather, they provide a general outline. With a little imagination and some swift moves — and maybe a salad and a loaf of bread — you can turn any dish on this list into a meal that not only will be better than takeout, but won’t heat you out of the house.

1 Make six-minute eggs: simmer gently, run under cold water until cool, then peel. Serve over steamed asparagus.

2 Toss a cup of chopped mixed herbs with a few tablespoons of olive oil in a hot pan. Serve over angel-hair pasta, diluting the sauce if necessary with pasta cooking water.

3 Cut eight sea scallops into four horizontal slices each. Arrange on plates. Sprinkle with lime juice, salt and crushed chilies; serve after five minutes.

4 Open a can of white beans and combine with olive oil, salt, small or chopped shrimp, minced garlic and thyme leaves in a pan. Cook, stirring, until the shrimp are done; garnish with more olive oil.

5 Put three pounds of washed mussels in a pot with half a cup of white wine, garlic cloves, basil leaves and chopped tomatoes. Steam until mussels open. Serve with bread.

I've struggled with this a lot over the past year. Yet one way I can tell I'm improving is that I now defend those people I used to tear into (or help others tear into). There just is no place in our hearts or His ministries for selfish or spiteful judgment.

In the last year, a good friend of mine and I sat down to discuss some recent relationship problems she was having with her significant other. She made it known that she would've come to me earlier to talk and catch up but she was afraid by speaking with me she would reveal her mistakes (that I had forewarned against) and thus incur my judgment (another example of #1). The proud, childish side of me wanted to hoist the "I told you so!" card or perhaps the "If only you would've listened" card but in a time of need no one really needs that. The more mature side of me (the one that's usually in control unless it's concerning Facebook photo comments) could not help but feel bad that I had allowed our friendship to deteriorate and be separated by my tendency (perceived or real) to judge others.

I could not thank my friend more for the courage she took in speaking to me. I was reminded of a valuable lesson that day - the sins we stubbornly hold on to can be the difference between having a friend or not, between someone seeing God's love in your life or seeing just another hypocritical "Christian".

I can relate more to this now that I've begun running. Okay, jogging.

I never enjoyed running because, as anyone who has run with me can attest, I always start off too fast. This is, like early on in my Christian service, very typical of inexperience because you have no clue what to reference besides your own beating heart. Many times in the last few days I've had to slow myself down to a pace that I am embarrassed to tell others I run because (1) I know it's all I can currently handle, and (2) it's considerably slower than what any other man could run with my body type.

But when you toss away the ego, you toss away the unreasonable expectations, you toss away the self-judgment of only looking at my body type and disregarding childhood asthma and my short stumpy legs, and all of a sudden it's just you and the sound of your feet hitting the pavement. If I didn't have my headphones in blasting away during my runs I'd dare say that sound (feet hitting pavement) was pleasant - nay, glorious! It just reminds me that at the end of the day, toss out all that extra bulls--- and it's just you and God. Are you being real with yourself?

It's easy to fall into the trap of turning our spiritual walk with God into only an earthly experience. Loving others, however, is very hard to objectify because we know, despite what others see or what the receiving party says, in our heart there is either love or there is not. In the last year, I thank and praise God for helping me love those brothers and sisters I previously would've avoided at all costs. At the end of my life, I hope I can honestly meet my Maker and tell Him I have spent all the love He gave me. My heart. Day by day. God help me.

So, you’re thinking of being a pastor?

FH: This is definitely me and one of the reasons why I think, at least for the near future, there's negative chance I'll be heading for full-time ministry - I enjoy my work, I enjoy the people, and of course the benefits (salary, bonuses, paid time off, health/dent/vision, et al.) make even a rare painful day as today worth it. Often it's more of the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality that makes me daydream as to what my life would be like if all I did was the church administrative and planning work I now do in the office. "What if" is not a call from God - it's daydreaming, it's lack of focus in the current calling. Naturally, this is not true for all people at all times, but I feel this is true at the current time.If I ever come to the point where only full-time ministry gives me the utmost satisfaction in life, then I will look into pursuing those options - but definitely no sooner than then.

FH: Check.

FH: I actually thought about looking into what training was available outside of seminary. Maybe I'll talk to Thomas about this...

FH: Assuming I will get married, it'd be nice to get this all sorted out beforehand so she kind of knows what she's getting herself into (along with all the other issues she has to face with me). If I stay on as an actuary, there pretty much is no concern about money so she won't have to work if she doesn't want to. If I do, then there might have to be discussion there.

FH: Yup. Will look into it if the requirement stated in question #1 is met. Besides, I have so much room to grow w.r.t. leadership skills.

FH: 1) Yes. 2) I think so? 3) Never asked.

FH: Haven't yet and won't until I feel like I need to. See #1.

FH: All about this. Love getting the nitty gritty on serving full-time.

FH: Never read in middle school, high school, or college, but I'm trying to make up for it now.

FH: This is definitely a problem for me because when I daydream, in order to keep the mood light and fluffy, I think about all the positives and none of the obstacles that come with pastoring or serving full-time. Yesterday, I was reading Paul Tokunaga's "Invitation to Lead" on the five levels of a successful leader. I read through it and honestly had to place myself around level three. Then I read something that really struck me, challenged me to not try and coast when serving. Allow me to explain.

"While serving as a staff director in Chicago in the '80s and '90s, [Jeanette Yep] birthed and developed a strong ministry to Asian American students in Chicagoland. Her strategy was to not center it in her personality but to raise up young Asian American staff who could work closely with Asian American students."

Jeanette was who Tokunaga described as the perfect level five leader. Right then and there I was guilty and realized I have soooo much to grow. So much of my service is based on my personality. I use it to interact, I use it to keep people's attention in messages, and it's clear to me I use it too heavily sometimes in ministry and do not instead seek to develop the areas in which I'm not as comfortable - such as developing and mentoring others. So far to go but thank God He graces me with time and is patient with me...

• GI Joe (for Thomas, and for always teaching me that "knowing is half the battle")
• Jem and the Holograms (loved those earrings)
• Inspector Gadget (I wonder what the Inspector was like after retirement)
• Alvin and the Chipmunks
• Darkwing Duck (DW represent!)
• Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers (I kept watching this because my best friend at the time shared the same name, Rebecca Cunningham, as one of the main characters)
• Garfield and Friends
• Mighty Mouse
• Rainbow Brite (for my sister)
• Scooby Doo (for many years my laugh resembled scooby's)
• Snorks (I doubt anyone remembers these boomerang-nosed guys).

i. So a man meets this woman at a party and asks her name.

"Carmen," she says.

 "Oh," responds the man, thinking that she doesn't really look like a Carmen, "that's a pretty name. Did your family give that to you?"

"No," she says, "I gave it to myself because it combines the two things I love the most - cars and men."

The woman, realizing her faux pax, asks the man, "I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Golftits".

ii. Q: Why did Jesus go to Chinatown?

     A: Because He loved miso.

These tests are always pretty amusing just to see what the comprehensive results are after answering a few multiple choice questions. I seriously question how low "Sensual" is on my list (or perhaps some ex-girlfriends are wondering how it even made it at all), and if not that then at least "Outgoing" has to be higher up for both lists. "Athletic" also doesn't need to be that important for the woman, but just as long as she's not a couch potato and/or dying to see What's New To Her on TV. Interesting that "Religious" is at the top of both lists since if you go back even two years it wouldn't be that high. Now that the "Religious" criteria is atop the list, combine my existing innate pickiness (another test taken a year ago) and it should be interesting to see when (or if) I actually settle down. Before or after I finish exams? Any bets? =)

I just read this on a friend's page and thought it was pretty hilarious. Enjoy.

The Fortress Model of Wooing. - D.F.  (12/14/04)

Every girl is a princess in a fortress. A guy’s job is to get into the fortress and get the girl.

Overview

Types of Guys/Techniques employed:

1. The Battering Ram - the traditional, brute method.

2. MilkMan - neutral friendly approach.

3. The Tutor/Violin Teacher - the backdoor approach.

4. The SpoonMan/Digger - digs at night with a spoon.

5. The Big Army Model - he comes well prepared for battle.

6. The Siege Guy - just wears them down.

7. The Passing By Army - doesn’t even notice there’s a fortress.

8. The Gardener - has sold all his weapons of war for a weedwacker. (Oh, brother)

9. The Holy Man - how celibacy is merely a front

10. The Silent Killer - the dude is praying from far away, so watch out!

 
Types

1. The Battering Ram.

The traditional, brute method.

Description: This guy meets the girl, and he goes back home, gets a big battering ram and just tries to bust down the castle door. This guy uses the BFS approach: Bigger Faster Stronger. Goal is to use maximum force, minimal planning, in the shortest time to break down the door.

Real Life:

Gives: Roses, Chocolate
Leaves: multiple IM’s, cell phone calls
He may: barge into your room when you’re studying, sing really loud at your surprise birthday party, hug your mom without being introduced.

Basically, this guy has no shame and has no real game plan. He just wants to pound the door down.

My Take: "No real game plan" means no game. Period. If a girl falls for this, I can't imagine what's left after he conquers the fortress. 

2. MilkMan

Neutral friendly approach.

Description: The Milkman knocks on the castle door and asks if the princess wants milk. After a relationship is established, he provides a neutral non-intimidating service.

Real Life: He may give you a cell phone # of a friend when you ask. Walk you home if its dark. Tell you there is ketchup on your face if there is. Comment nice haircut if you ask.

This guy, wouldn’t mind getting into the castle but he doesn’t really care either. He visits like 10 castles a day, delivering milk, but he's not shady, he just knows lots of girls and talks with them like it's whatever, that’s just how it is.

My Take: This is the passively aggressive (or is it aggressively passive?) method in my opinion. Doing just a little bit here and there to get the most results. Fails to work in the case where you only want one girl (*gasp*).

3. The Tutor/Violin Teacher

The backdoor approach.

Description: Sounds like what it is, the dude is in the fortress on a regular basis, trying to teach the princess how to play the violin. This guy has premeditated intent but may seem neutral or resemble the proverbial gay guy friend. He enters the castle from the backdoor as he is not deemed an official or potential suitor.

Real Life: He may happen to be your workout buddy, your study buddy, your dining hall buddy, and your complain about finals buddy, visit the art museum buddy. Notice a trend. He aint your buddy. Guys have “My Buddy" and Girls have “Kid Brother” remember dat.

My Take: I object to the tutor/violin teacher analogy. Anyway, this has probably been every guy at some point in time. It's basically for guys when they're just starting to get in the game and have no real idea of how to get in the fortress except through friendship. Do note that there is a big difference between #2 and #3 (Milkman vs Tutor/Violin Teacher) - the milkman would like something to happen but could care less if nothing materializes, but the tutor/teacher approach is focused on tricking his way in. Then again, this method and similar methods are assuming you actually can become romantically involved after being friends first. Innnteresting.

4. The SpoonMan/Digger

Digs at night with a spoon.

Description: The digger digs at night. He is not seen. He has a spoon and digs a little bit every night, like in Shawshank Redemption. He is trying to dig an underground tunnel straight to the Princess Room: Her heart. He is a cripple by day, and a digger by night! For some reason, he assumes girly man postures and techniques during the day, but at night he employs masterful technique.

Real Life: With a roomful of 10 guys or more, there will always be a digger. He’s the guy who works at a girl late late late at night. Are you crying, o my gosh, he's got tissues. Are you complaining about how life is meaningless and boring. O my gosh, he like so understands. Are you mad at your boyfriend???? What do you know, so is he. He knows how to give pity and evoke pity.

babo4u's Take: The Digger is a master of psychological manipulation and well he knows how the female heart works. He is relegated to a life of digging as he cannot muster enuff respect from other guys to mount a full scale Day attack. This guy is extremely dangerous, however surprisingly enuff, only guys have the night vision to see him. Other girls not involved seem to be blind or unawares to what is happening. One day he’s a cripple lying outside the city wall, the next day hes got the princess!

5. The Big Army Model

He comes well prepared for battle.

Description: The guy comes with a big army to ask the princess to graciously surrender and let him in. He may be the general, the captain, the colonel, whatever. He has enough support from many men to convince the princess to surrender. He does not come with flaming torches but rather with nice regal banners/flags/even some gifts of goodwill.

Real Life: This guy is a guys guy. Decently smart, decently mature, decently everything. He hangs out with his buddies and you know hes interested. Hes probably athletic can read a book or two and loves his mom. Main thing is, he has the support of other guys.

babo4u's Take: This guy is doing things the legit way. But hey if the girl says no, its time to pitch a tent and become the Siege Guy.

6. The Siege Guy

The guy who works hard to get the girl and is willing to wait it out.

Description: He’s got catapults, artillery, archers. horsemen, infantry and most importantly, patience. Basically he’s got a plan. And he’s gonna be here a while.

Real Life: We all know this guy. In fact, 75% of all guys are at a Siege right now. The siege guy is with his buddies who are there for the long haul if need be. Generally this guy spends 2-4 years trying to get the girl. He will work slow, methodical but purposefully. Hey, the princess knows what he wants, knows that’s hes serious, but well she’s gonna make him earn it!

My Take: This is just a sad way of going about things. 2-4 years?? Something about the Siege guy makes me question his intelligence..

7. The Passing By Army

Playing “hard to get” or “I don’t care.” 

Description: Has a big army of guys and walks right by the fortress... yea that’s right. Walks right by. The princess peers out the fortress and says to herself “where is he going? Hmm he seems interesting... Wait, he’s going to another fortress, this cant be right... I should go bring him back!

Real life: Plays hard to get or he hits on your neighbor or pretends not to care or even flirts with your friends. Simple enuff to explain.

babo4u's Take: Sounds like a move from the dark side but sometimes, its legit, so says James Dobson! This technique is timeless and effective. Regrettably or not it will never go away! I’m personally not advocating this is as a primary technique. Its kinda like a sac fly or bunting. Sometimes you just gotta do it. Who knows.

8. The Gardener

Has sold all his weapons of war and is willing to just “love a girl.”

Description: After many years of siege and other techniques, he is tired and tells his army to go home. He sells his weapons for seeds to plant a vegetable garden next to the castle. He now grows vegetables and sends them over the princess. He is no longer purposefully on offense but hoping that the girl will change his mind seeing his “long term commitment” to her fortress region. He soon learns to love eating vegetables.

Real Life: This is what happens when you become friends with a girl you put the mack on. This is the potentially the most undesirable state to be in. Its like a 3rd string QB who backs up Brett Favre. The guy will have polite 5 minute convos but never really ever talk to the girl again. That’s that.

babo4u's Take: It happens to most guys. Don’t be fooled, she ain’t gonna come around. “Faint hearts never won fair lady.”All things equal, even if you did have the goods, the girl don’t wanna be won over by a gardener. She wants a warrior. Just shake it off and try to go to war again.

9. The Holy Man.

This guy wasn’t even thinking about girls, it just happened.

Description: He is far away from the fortress and he doesn’t even know theres one around or care to know. But God or some mysterious force will just drop him from the sky right into the fortress one day.

Real Life: This dude is just loving the Lord or something and God will plop a woman into his life. Believe it or not, there are some dudes out there who ain’t thinking about girls most of the time. And for some mysterious reason, the woman is always super fine.

My Take: I like this because you don't waste time in actual pursuit, and you leave things up to a greater power. Been said to be a cop-out by some of my friends, and it may well be. But this method minimalizes wasted time, money, and emotion. Sounds good to me.

10. The Silent Killer.

The dude is praying from far away, so watch out!

Description: This guy is looking through the binoculars from far away and just praying up a storm.

Real Life: This guy knows you and is just praying up a storm. In Christian circles, you know the story, dude meets a girl and prays 3 years, and POW! matrimony. Ladies, watch out, he’s yah worst nightmare, he calls on Krishna, Buddha, Jesus, Ben Franklin, whoever will hear.

My Take: I don't actually know guys who just pray until they're unconscious to get the girl, but I have heard some pretty remarkable stories. Not for the weak-of-heart and definitely not for the impatient, but I guess I can't really hate on a guy who wants to make sure with the almighty if this girl is right or not. Then again, perhaps too passive an approach? Why not actually try getting to know the girl (and perhaps moving into another method of attack).

babo4u says: "Ladies, you can’t watch out, cuz sometimes, God’s on his side, sorry."

In the post-Tupac rap era, there are few rappers that really continue to rock the mic as Tupac did. Let's review a list of candidates:

1. Jay-Z. A lot of people would make the case for Jay-Z claiming the emcee throne in Tupac's absence, but he's all spitting rap and no content in those rhymes. He employs a sort of Mase-esque laziness in his style, but even Mase had, showed more substance in his lyrics by eventually leaving "the game" and being a pastor for several years.
2. Eminem. He's good. He's the most legitimate replacement (second only to my personal top guy) to Tupac by this criteria I use to judge all emcees: the ability to rap about non-cliche topics and be sincere about it. Most people lose out on the second criterion, but like Tupac, Eminem really handles it well with raps about his constant family issues/struggles, most recently displayed in "Mockingbird" from his Encore album. 
   
   It's funny
   I remember back one year when daddy had no money
   Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
   And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
   Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em
   I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying
   Cuz daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job
   But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
   
   The last thing I really like about Em is his ability to just rip people apart - Benzino has been the main recipient of this lyrical love and affection. If you listen to some of the diss tracks like "Invasion", "Go To Sleep", "Nail In The Coffin", or "The Sauce", I doubt you could listen to them and not just go "daaayyyyyaaaaammmmmmnnnnnn" after hearing the lines. Here's a tidbit from "Nail In The Coffin":
   
   I would never claim to be no Ray Benzino
   an 83 year old fake Pacino
   So how can he hold me over some balcony
   without throwin his lower back out as soon as he goes to lift me (ugh)
   Please don't, you'll probably fall with me
   and our asses will both be history
   But then again you'll finally get your wish
   cuz you'll be all over the street like 50 Cent



3. Others. This group of honorable mentions include Ludacris, Fabolous, Kanye, Outkast, Timbaland, etc. All are quite good, and (surprise surprise) all are favorites of mine. Outkast and Tim (and Magoo) are duos that can't really be judged separately (Tim stands out for his directing and beatboxing skill mainly), and Mister Rap-On-Phonics, Luda and Kanye just haven't been around that long. Well, Fabolous longer than Eminem but Em has an unquestionably larger foothold in the industry. So who does this leave?
4. Nas. In terms of skill for spitting out lyrics, Eminem has a slightly better flow (as heard in any of the aforementioned diss tracks) and Jay-Z is pretty comparable; but in terms of content and actual issues addressed (aside from the usual shopping list raps and other butchered topics e.g. dealing, gang violence, racial discrimination, et al.) and basically sticking to my criterium of rapping sincerely about nontrivial issues, Nas stands over the rest. Long known for rapping politically (as opposed to stupid voter registration drives with silly slogans like "Vote Or Die") and always being able to venture out of trite gang bashing lyrics, Nas speaks his mind in songs like "Book Of Rhymes", "Rule", "One Mic", "Poppa Was A Playa", et al. Nas also has more solid albums than Em such as the classic Illmatic, Stillmatic, God's Son, etc. Eminem in a few years might be able to really make a stance but so far his discography only really dates back to the late 90s (but to his defense the few albums he has produced have been stellar). Nas also shows he gives Eminem some competition in the underground diss tracks arena with his Jay-Z rip "Ether" (whether this was a legit gripe or just an organized publicity stunt by both artists we'll never know).
   
   Why now do I come out and argue for Nas? Two main reasons. How many rappers do you know that a) call out people as improper role models, and b) get married and rap about it? Nas calls out Kobe in his new album Street's Disciple. Here's the static loud and clear:
   
   Master used to breed us to be bigger to go play
   athletes of today in the NBA make me proud
   but theres something they don't say
   keep getting accused for abusing white p***y, from O.J. to Kobe' or lets call him Toby'
   First he played his life cool just like Michael, now he rock ice too just like I do.
   Yo, you can't do better than that... the hotel clerk who adjust the bathroom mat?
   Now you lose sponsorships that you thought had your back.
   Yeah, you beat the rap, jiggaboo, fake nigga you.
   You turn around then you sh*t on Shaq. Who would have knew?
   Mr. Goodie two shoes. He love a little butt crack. Got enough cash. Little kids with they bus pass
   who look up to you to do something for the youth, stupid spoof, but you let them use you as an example...
   
   Most rappers are more likely to rap about being gay than rapping about getting married, but Nas does just this (not being gay, but getting married to r&b artist Kelis) on "Getting Married", where he speaks eloquently about giving up the ballin lifestyle (see prior entry), bachelor parties, and marrying the one he loves. Nas is one-of-a-kind and hopefully he'll continue the same style, energy, poignance in his married years.

no sarcasm. i love the nba. where else are you going to see the greatest sports brawl in history? i'd rather not go over the boring stuff like who is to blame (ben wallace for initiating contact with artest, artest for going into the stands, fan for throwing drink at artest, etc.) or what the implications are of this (less fan contact with players, more security, higher ticket prices, etc.), but rather give superlatives for the coolest melee EVER. here we go:

• Dumbest Person Alive - the 5'3" fat hispanic detroit fan who walked on the court shouting at Artest immediately after getting pulled from the stands. Seriously, like the ESPN NBA Tonight analysts said, he got what he deserved...
• Best Bro Award - Stephen Jackson for jumping in the stands and wailing on fans who were swarming on Artest. He ends up getting sucker punched along with Artest and Fred Jones.
• Best Street Fighter Move - hands down, hands down.. this goes to Jermaine "Balrog" O'Neal. After Artest punches the aforementioned hispanic fan, the fan gets back up only for O'Neal to land a nasssssssstay running punch that levels him. Great follow through, O'Neal.
• Most Involvement for Least Punishment - hey, this is a great spot to be in - definitely Ben Wallace for choke-hold/shoving Artest.
• Dumbest Person Alive (2nd place) - 2nd place goes to the guy who tossed the cup at Artest while he was lying on the scorekeeper's table. Seriously, Artest JUST got out of an altercation with Ben Wallace, albeit brief, and you decide to test him again? Key point the fan failed to consider - if Artest has no problem standing up to Ben Wallace, do you REALLY think he'll have ANY hesitation to find you and make you whimper like a little girl? That fan was in a fetal position kissing his heiney goodbye in well under a second.
• Most Clueless - Auburn Hills Police Chief Jim Mynsberge. "Do you think the fans were unruly?", Jim Gray asks, to which he not only doesn't answer the question but goes on to say how good Detroit fans are, and that people watching on TV can't really tell what's going on (yeah right). This guy is clueless. I was surprised he knew to look into the camera.
• Worst Fans In The World (still) - Detroit is the only team whose fans consistently boo, jeer their OWN TEAM when play starts turning ugly. Tonight, those fans just took it to another level. Congrats to all those who poured beer, soda onto players and/or threw BOTTLES onto the court. And the metal chair? Geez...
• White Guy Taking Up The Most Space - This one is tough. It comes down to either Croshere, who was filmed standing all alone, confused on the court with no one wanting to fight him (perhaps too easy?), or Scot Pollard in those ridiculous glasses trying to usher (or "ursher" if you're from atlanta) fellow Pacers to the locker room. Neither of them stood up for any of their own players like Jackson, Jones, or even 'Sheed, who went in the stands to help Artest and others out. Props guys.

I'm all out, but one more sports-related item. Spurrier coming back to college ball, but at South Carolina?? Hope he brings that oh so successful system he implemented with Washington. Go Gators!!